But do you honestly expect me to believe we could ever be the same?
I’m quite far removed from the dating and relationships game, and to be frank when I was in the dating game it was under the influence of strict religious beliefs. I don’t feel like I ever really got to experience dating in a normal way, for better or for worse. Now as an adult with kids who will be entering a completely new world of dating with far less rules than I was given, I often wonder what is my role, what is the advice I need to impart, and how do I teach them what is normal and natural when my experience was not. Enter my media training where I listen to music or watch modern television shows as a form of research in addition to the entertainment I seek. I’m observing with an intent to learn how to be in this world when you have true agency to make choices. Sure my strict childhood guardrails kept me from experiencing anything really bad, but they also kept me from experiencing much at all.
Revisiting Taylor’s Swifts music from her teens years has been fun, but also educational to me. This song in particular makes me feel really proud of her strength and the general message is one that I feel is important to impart. In this song a very dumb guy cheats on his girlfriend, comes crawling back to her with all the right words, and she responds with a resolute “it’s over.” In the beginning when she finds out about this guy cheating she responds by stating that after learning this information even just looking at him feels wrong. I was so impressed by this verbal admission of her feelings. I struggle with wanting to make everyone feel comfortable, and often don’t speak the truth of how I feel so I can keep the peace. I see a real world situation where she holds her discomfort in as he grovels, then it is allowed to be twisted into an idea that maybe what he did wasn’t so bad. But by stating her intuitive feelings out loud, they hold more truth and make it easier for her to stand her ground.
And she does stand her ground, she doesn’t make it about her in any way, simply states that this guy shouldn’t have been doing what he did and that it affected her negatively. The most poignant question she raises is “do you honestly expect me to believe we could ever be the same?” That is the power of being true to yourself and what you deserve. In the end she knows she shouldn’t have been cheated on and she stands on business now that line was crossed. And maybe that’s something I do want to impart to my kids. I’ve watched too many television shows where the women excuse mens bad behavior just for it to repeat itself again and again. If you're looking for love, these people are simply not providing it.
I can't resist before you go tell me this, was it worth it?
I love Taylor Swift’s music and have a deep curiosity about who it is so meaningful to so many people. If you have any thoughts about this song in particular please share it in the comments below so that me and the Swiftie community that finds this space can enjoy your insights.
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