You walk around here thinking you're not pretty but that's not true, cause I know you.
Part 1 - I have a confession to make. When I was a little girl I had an aunt who had deep crow’s feet wrinkles that would emerge whenever she would laugh or smile. She also had a great smile. I took note of this as a little girl and couldn’t wait until I had the lines when I smiled like my beautiful aunt. Well I just looked up crows feet wrinkles to make sure I had the right terminology for this post and the top posts have titles such as “Crow’s Feet :What it is, Botox, Treatment & Prevention” or “ How to Get Rid or Crow’s Feet: Reducing Eye Wrinkles, Cover-Up and More.” Now if I were going to write a post about Crow’s Feet I might title it “Crow’s Feet : How the Little Lines Signal a Life of Joy and Laughter.” That is simply how I thought about it as a little girl.
While I don’t particularly care what people want to do to feel beautiful, I do think it is interesting that something I saw beauty in as a child has a whole industry associated with the removal of. In the opening of this song is the line “you walk around here thinking you’re not pretty, but that’s not true, cause I know you.” The beauty of those "crow's feet" lines came from knowing the joy of my aunt. She shared that joy through laughter and smiles and the lines that her joy produced were simply a beautiful byproduct of joy. And I loved them. I’m not sure if my aunt loved them though, I’ve never asked or brought it up. What if she was putting on cream that night to treat or prevent the lines I saw as beautiful. And you know what fair enough if she wanted to do that for herself, but I just want to point out that things we are told are not beautiful or that we might see as not beautiful, might be very beautiful to the people who know us.
You cry, but you don't tell anyone that you might not be the golden one.
Part 2 - I grew up feeling like I needed to be a golden child. My religious scrupulosity probably fanned the flames of feeling like I needed to achieve some sort of perfection. That along with being praised for my perfect grades or being told I was so smart, altogether it created a spiral of needing to feel golden. So I relate deeply to the lyric “you cry, but you don’t tell anyone, that you might not be the golden one.” For so long it was at least somewhat important for me to at least appear as the golden one, but I held a lot of internal stress about keeping up that appearance. I got a 4.0 GPA in high school and graduated college with a single A- which made my GPA like 3.97 or something like that. I needed those scores to appear golden, but in the background I never risked taking a class that was too challenging for fear that I might fail (in my case get lower than an A). I missed so much experimentation and risk to hold it all together. I look back on that girl and simply give her a hug. She was simply doing her best, but if I could give her some advice I would say take more risks and fail more. It’s going to be okay.
My daughter just came home with her report card a few days ago and ended up with her first B. She said "look mom I’m doing so good. I’m either excellent or above average in every class." I think it healed a part of me and is definitely the attitude I want to foster for her.
Love was all you wanted.
Part 3 - It turns out “love was all you wanted.” Love is what we want and when we lack the feelings of love for ourselves or from the outside world we can feel like we are coming undone. But if you are in that place it can be helpful to hold on, take a step back, reevaluate and look at it from afar. Maybe the love we want is right around us or inside us. Can we love ourselves more. Can we call a friend and be vulnerable and ask for the love we need. It’s okay to reach out and at least find someone to come undone with together. I know when I do that for myself, it helps.
Maybe the love we want is right around us or inside of us.
I love Taylor Swift’s music and have a deep curiosity about who it is so meaningful to so many people. If you have any thoughts about this song in particular please share it in the comments below so that me and the Swiftie community that finds this space can enjoy your insights.
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