I don't know what I want, so don't ask me.
I don’t know what I want, so don’t ask me, is the greatest opening line and something I relate to deeply. I struggled in childhood when people asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up and I struggle in adulthood when I ask myself what I want from life. How am I suppose to choose? I want a lot and at the same time nothing at all. I want to be great at embroidery but I also have this deep knowing that even if my skills develop to some desired level its also all so temporary in the grand scheme of things. What do I want to do with a life that is temporary?
Sometimes I feel like I am the only one who struggles with the way I think. I know I’m not, but even though there are other people who think the way I do, I do feel alone, on my own, trapped in the brain I have. Knowing that I am just a girl who is attempting to find my own place in my own world is probably the healthiest perspective I have. I have to remind myself often that I simply showed up as a baby 34 years ago into a world already created. The systemic problems have already been deeply entrenched in the systems that make our world function. There have also already hero’s who have been brave enough to take a stand and make the world better for everyone.
I know deeply that there isn’t really a perfect world for everyone, but I still believe so deeply that there could be a good world for everyone. The potential for that timeline to exist is just as possible as the current timeline that we currently inhabit. I feel like I am just a girl trying to find a way to be in the gap between how it is and the potential of what it could be? Sometimes my passion for discussing a better world feels like I am just just a girl on an impossible mission, but I am more than ready to fly towards a better reality. And while I love to dream big, maybe I need to remember that my small impact is just a simple ripple in a greater world. What I can do matters, and focusing on the people in my orbit is enough for now.
I still believe so deeply that there could be a good world for everyone. The potential for that timeline to exist is just as possible as the current timeline that we currently inhabit.
I love Taylor Swift’s music and have a deep curiosity about who it is so meaningful to so many people. If you are also just a girl (or person) trying to find a place in this world please share your thoughts in the comments below so that myself and the Swiftie community that finds this space can enjoy your insights.
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