My one year old baby is moving through the baby stages quite quickly right now and it has been so fun to watch. She is currently learning to pull herself up and move her feet as we "walk" her across the room. We know sometime in the next few months she will learn to walk on her own and we will see it as a miracle. We will be in awe of how just months ago she started to crawl and now she has progressed beyond that.
But right now she is not walking on her own, we just have the faith that it will happen and are doing what we can to help her gain that skill. We are living in the space before the miracle.
Even though she can't walk just yet, it is still a beautiful space to be in. We love watching her learn and progress. It is incredible to see her mind working to figure out that next step. And she is so pleased with herself when she finds herself in motion, even if Mom or Dad is helping her along. There are also bumps along this road. She falls down when she is trying to lift herself up and it takes all her strength to move a few steps. There is a wide range of emotional experiences.
Someday soon she will walk and the miracle of walking will fade into something she is just able to do. We won't think about how incredible it is for her to walk each day, to move about as she desires. That's why I believe it is so important to live in the present moment, to fully embrace where you are, not just waiting for the end goal. It is in the space before the miracle where we are really in tune with how rich our lives are. Where we feel the struggle and the hope coexisting. Where we are not only aware that miracles exist, but that we are part of them unfolding.
I see this in my adult life as well. I think about times that I knew something was coming, but didn't know the details of how it would unfold.
One example of this might be Christmas Eve. When I was a child I loved Christmas Eve way more than Christmas Day. It was a day full of anticipation, excitement, and wondering. There was the potential for the wished for present to not come through and at the same time there was the hoping that the one under the tree was the thing that you wanted. It is a moment that holds depth that the knowing of Christmas morning does not have.
Another example happened after my husband had applied to graduate school. We had waited many weeks to find out if he was accepted or not. We lived in those days and weeks with hopeful anticipation. It was a time we could dream about different possibilities, what it would be like to be accepted, what our life would look like in Pittsburgh, a city we had only visited once. There was also the possibility of not getting in and the disappointment that could come from that. Still we didn't know, so we could live in this space of massive faith and it was a cool place to be.
I also think about when both of my children were born. There were the weeks leading up to their due date. We knew they would be coming soon, but we had no idea when. That space has some of the most rich emotions I have felt in my life. I was so excited for their birth, but I was nervous about the delivery. I couldn't wait to meet them, to know what they looked like, to kiss their heads and count their fingers. I anticipated knowing what their birthday would be and what our birth story would look like. It was uncomfortable and lovely all at the same time. It is those last moments before questions are answered. It is those last moments before the wonder of birth becomes history.
I love living in the space before the miracles. It is a space where so many paradoxical emotions exist and I believe it is a space where the richness of life is experienced. It is a space where awareness is heightened.
This space before the miracles, it's a beautiful place to be.
Mallory
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