THINGS I AM AFRAID TO TELL YOU

I'M PLANT-BASED AND PROBABLY 95% VEGAN | It's been almost a year and a half since my husband and I pretty much gave up eating animals and animal products overnight. We started for our health but quickly realized how eating a plant based diet is not only good for us, but also good for the animals and good for the earth. We also realized just how connected we felt to all living things after changing our eating habits. There was an increased spirituality that came into our lives. All of this from simply refraining from eating animals and animal products.
I started out eating plant based having no clue that it would become a lifestyle practice that would change and shape me in such a variety of ways, but it has. Although I typically tell people I eat a plant based diet, the truth is I feel more aligned with Veganism the more I learn and allow myself to open up with compassion for animals. This has been a huge shift in my life since as a child to my young adult years I carried with me a story that I didn't really like animals. We didn't have pets in our home and I didn't really like touching animals. Now I am sitting here feeling more connected to animals than ever, and although I am not interested in having animals of my own right now, I do have a deep reverence for all animals simply because they are beautiful creations of my Heavenly Father. As a result I have no desire to hurt or abuse them in any ways. I still believe that if I was starving and animals were the only food source for a time, I would eat them with deep gratitude and thankfulness for their sacrifice of life that I might survive. But since I live in a world with an abundance of plant based options, I see absolutely no need to unnecessarily kill animals for food.
As I said I'm probably 95% Vegan, I am not all the way there will all the things true Vegans do. But as I learn and understand at deeper levels, my thoughts and desires change and as a result my actions change. I have compassion on myself knowing that I am not 100% Vegan, but striving to do the best I can with the knowledge I have.

EATING PLANT BASED WITH A HUGE EMPHASIS ON FRUITS AND VEGETABLES HAS CHANGED ME | This thought is hugely connected to what I already wrote, but additionally I have more recently been eating a diet higher in raw foods and have felt an even greater connection to the earth and the incredible plants that grow upon it. For example I was eating a papaya this morning and I felt so deeply grateful for the beauty of the fruit, the vibrant color, the soft juicy texture, the nutrition it was providing for my body, and how nourished I felt eating it. I am in awe that the fruit that made it to my table for breakfast started as merely potential in a seed. A seed that had to grow for years before giving any fruit. And now it is a tree that continually and freely bears fruit for anyone that comes it's way.
As I eat this way I feel so much gratitude for the earth and the plants and my Heavenly Father that created it all for me.

GROWING A GARDEN CONNECTS ME TO EARTH | This thought is also connected to what I wrote above, but I loved being able to grow a garden last summer. It made everything I wrote above so real for me. I had first hand experience of planting the seeds and watching them grow and then being able to eat and be nourished by these plants. It is just incredible and made me so thankful for the process of life and our dependence on the bounty of Mother Earth. She sustains us and gives us life and for that I feel so deeply connected to taking care of her and I feel so much love and gratitude for her.

I LOVE MEDITATION + THE CONSCIOUS AND SUBCONSCIOUS MIND + THE MIND BODY CONNECTION + THE LAW OF ATTRACTION AND STUDYING OTHER SPIRITUAL PRACTICES | For a few years now I have been really interested in learning about spiritual practices and the power of things we don't see or don't scientifically understand. I'm not really sure if there is a way to describe it that is all encompassing, but I love learning about things like meditation, quantum mechanics, the conscious and subconscious mind, how our minds and bodies are connected,  and the law of attraction. I love learning things that are trans-rational, or things that go beyond human reason.
For example I have recently implemented a meditation practice into my daily life. It's about 10 minutes of meditation, affirmations and visualization. The mind in me of course can't rationally see how this would change my physical experience in the least, but having practiced it for a month and a half I can see a real difference in my life. How does that even work?
There are so many things like that, and I love learning about them. Some things really resonate with me, and others really don't, and that's completely okay. But it is thrilling to me to learn and expand and I have come to realize just how much my view of the world has changed having allowed myself to be open to concepts that are not generally accepted in our society today.

I WOULD LOVE TO TAKE A YEAR AND TRAVEL THE USA | One of my biggest dreams is to take a year and visit all fifty states plus D.C. When we moved to Pittsburgh we took a huge road trip across the U.S. for 6 weeks and I loved every minute. We had a general plan in place, but were also open and flexible to experience what we wanted to do. It was perfect and truly is one of those great memories that I still feel excited about five and a half years later.
When we lived in Maryland the summer before we moved to Idaho we made a cross country trip three times that summer. Each time we went a slightly different way in order to see and experience different places. Although this was a much shorter experience and we didn't get to stay in any one place too long, it was so much fun and I loved seeing different places along the way.
More than anything I love sharing new places and experiences with my family. I love freedom and flexibility to go and do what we desire. I love being in different places. It brings me so much joy. So one of my deepest desires is to just set off for a year, with potentially a general plan, or maybe no plan at all, and just go explore the USA with the people I love.

And there you have it. The things I am afraid to tell you. I think the fear comes because the mind in me creates a whole bunch of stories of how others will perceive me, or how others believe I will perceive them, and of course the mind tends to suggest or focus on reactions that will all be negative, when in reality the opposite could be true. Who knows, maybe other people hold some of these values too, and since I crave connection in these areas there is just as much potential that sharing these things I am afraid to tell you could open me up to the people who I could connect with in these ideas and thoughts.
And in the end I still love and respect all the people in my life that have different values.
Life is such a journey and I feel like being open means I will constantly see things differently, so my current experience and values will undoubtedly change as I learn and expand.